Launchings & Landings

In Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Tatkin, launchings and landings are highlighted as critical moments in a relationship that can either strengthen or weaken the bond between partners. Tatkin emphasizes the importance of handling these transitions with care and intentionality to foster emotional security and connection, which are key to a secure-functioning relationship.

Morning and Bedtime Rituals

Morning Rituals: Setting a Positive Tone
Morning rituals help couples start their day with intention and emotional connection. By sharing even a brief moment of mindfulness and affection, partners can create a sense of closeness that lasts throughout the day, even while apart.
  • Express Affection
    • Begin the day with a warm touch, hug, or kiss to signal care and connection.
    • Physical contact stimulates oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” fostering intimacy.
  • Exchange Positive Words
    • Share affirmations or words of encouragement, like “I love you” or “Have a great day.”
    • Acknowledge any upcoming stressors or challenges and offer support.
  • Stay Present
    • Avoid distractions like phones or rushing out the door without engaging with your partner.
    • Even a few moments of focused attention can strengthen the bond.
  • Check-In Briefly  
    • Align on the day’s plans, discuss logistics, or coordinate schedules.
    • This minimizes misunderstandings or unmet expectations later in the day.
Bedtime Rituals: Ending the Day in Connection
Bedtime rituals create an opportunity for partners to reconnect after the day’s activities and stressors. They help transition from external demands to the safety and comfort of the relationship, reinforcing the partnership as a secure emotional base.
  • Unwind Together  
    • Engage in calming activities, such as talking, reading, or simply being together in bed.
    • Avoid emotionally charged conversations or distractions like excessive screen time close to bedtime.
  • Physical Closeness  
    • End the day with a gesture of physical intimacy, such as holding hands, cuddling, or a goodnight kiss.
    • Physical touch helps soothe the nervous system and reinforces a sense of safety.
  • Reflect and Reconnect
    • Share highlights, challenges, or feelings from the day to clear any lingering tensions.
    • Use this time to repair small conflicts or misunderstandings that may have arisen earlier.
  • Establish Predictability
    • Consistent rituals, like saying “Goodnight” or “I love you,” signal reliability and deepen trust.
    • Rituals create a predictable and comforting rhythm in the relationship.
The Science Behind Morning and Bedtime Rituals
Dr. Tatkin’s recommendations are rooted in attachment theory and neuroscience. These rituals help:
  • Regulate the Nervous System. Physical and emotional connection reduce stress and promote a sense of calm.
  • Strengthen the Couple Bubble. Morning and bedtime rituals reinforce the relationship as a secure partnership.
  • Enhance Emotional Safety. By beginning and ending the day with care, partners feel valued and prioritized.
Separations and Reunions
Separations: Managing Time Apart
Separations occur when partners part ways, whether for the day, a business trip, or other reasons. Tatkin stresses that how couples handle these moments can set the emotional tone for the time spent apart.
  • Poorly managed separations can lead to feelings of neglect, anxiety, or disconnection.
  • Thoughtful separations reassure both partners of their value to each other, maintaining the emotional bond even during physical distance.
  • Intentional Goodbyes:
    • Take a moment to say goodbye in a warm, affectionate way.
    • A hug, kiss, or a loving phrase like “I’ll miss you” or “I’m looking forward to seeing you later” can create a sense of connection.
  • Share Information
    • Briefly discuss plans or expectations for the time apart to avoid misunderstandings or unmet needs.
    • Knowing what to expect reduces uncertainty and helps both partners feel aligned
  • Reassure the Bond:
    • Use affirming language to remind your partner of the strength of your relationship.
    • Small gestures, such as leaving a note or sending a text during the day, can reinforce this.
Reunions: Reconnecting After Time Apart
Reunions refer to the moments when partners come back together after being apart. These transitions are opportunities to reaffirm the bond and restore emotional intimacy.
  • Reunions provide a chance to repair any disconnection that may have occurred during the separation.
  • Warm, attentive reunions help partners feel prioritized and valued, reinforcing the relationship as a secure emotional base.
  • Warm Greetings:
    • Approach your partner with enthusiasm and affection, such as a hug, kiss, or a smile.
    • Show genuine excitement to see them again.
  • Undivided Attention:
    • Put aside distractions (e.g., phones, work) to fully focus on your partner for a few moments.
    • This signals that they are a priority.
  • Debrief the Day or Time Apart:
    • Share highlights, challenges, or significant moments from your time apart.
    • Actively listen to your partner’s experiences without rushing or interrupting.
  • Physical and Emotional Connection:
    • Use touch, eye contact, and kind words to rebuild intimacy.
    • If tensions arose during the separation, take time to repair and reconnect.
Tips for Successful Launching and Landings
  • Predictability reduces anxiety and reinforces trust. Rituals like always kissing goodbye or saying “I love you” before leaving create a sense of stability and comfort. 
  • Keep It Simple. Even small, consistent actions—like a hug before leaving or a smile upon returning—can have a significant impact.
  • Prioritize Connection Over Perfection. The rituals don’t have to be elaborate; they just need to show intention and care.
  • Adapt to Your Relationship. Tailor rituals to suit your schedule, lifestyle, and preferences while maintaining their core purpose.
  • Repair as Needed. If a ritual is skipped or disrupted, acknowledge it and recommit to reconnecting as soon as possible.
Launching and landing rituals are vital practices for building a secure and connected partnership. These daily habits anchor the relationship, ensuring both partners feel valued, supported, and emotionally safe as they navigate life together.