Collaborative Problem Solving
Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS), developed by Dr. Ross Greene, works by engaging the child as a partner in solving problems, rather than using top-down control, punishment, or external rewards.
Core principles:
Other related or overlapping models include:
Overview of the CPS Model
Underlying Assumptions:
Core principles:
- "Kids do well if they can" — misbehavior stems from lagging skills, not from a lack of motivation.
- Rather than imposing consequences, the model emphasizes:
- Empathy: understanding the child's concern or perspective
- Defining adult concerns: clearly articulating expectations
- Invitation to collaborate: working with the child to find mutually satisfying solutions
- Empathize – Gather information about the child’s concern or perspective
- Define the Problem – Share your adult concern
- Invite to Collaborate – Brainstorm and agree on a realistic solution together
Other related or overlapping models include:
- Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen (focuses on mutual respect and joint problem solving)
- Parenting with Love and Logic (focuses on natural consequences and shared responsibility)
- Restorative Parenting (influenced by restorative justice, focuses on mutual agreement and repairing harm)
Overview of the CPS Model
Underlying Assumptions:
- Kids do well if they can. (Behavior problems reflect lagging skills, not lack of motivation.)
- Challenging behavior occurs when the demands placed on a child exceed their capacity to respond adaptively.
- Skill deficits often include: executive functioning, emotional regulation, communication, and problem-solving.
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Step
1. Empathy 2. Get Buy-In on the “Why” 3. State Adult Concern 4. Collaborative Brainstorming 5. Agree on Consequences Together |
Purpose
Understand their experience Clarify the value of the expectation Express your needs respectfully Solve the problem together Build accountability in a respectful way |
Sample Phrases
“Can you help me understand why it’s been hard to write down or turn in assignments lately?” “Do you see why turning in homework on time matters — not just for grades but for building trust and self-reliability?” “I want to support you, but I also want to make sure school doesn’t become overwhelming or hurt your future options.” “What ideas do you have for making it easier to stay on top of homework?” “If the plan doesn’t happen — what do you think should happen? What would help you take it seriously?” |
Sample Dialogue
Parent: "Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been turning in some homework late and not writing things down. Can you help me understand what’s been making that hard lately?"
(Empathy)
Teen: "I don’t know… I just forget. It’s hard to pay attention when they’re giving the assignment."
Parent: "That makes sense — especially with how your brain works with ADHD. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that it’s hard to focus in that moment, yeah?"
Teen: "Yeah, pretty much."
Parent: "Okay. Can we zoom out for a second — do you get why turning homework in on time matters? I’m not trying to hassle you, I just want to know your take."
(Buy-in)
Teen: "I mean… I guess it’s important. But I still think it’s dumb."
Parent: "Fair enough. I felt like that about homework too. But part of what I want is for you to build the habit of follow-through. That’s something you’ll need for jobs, relationships, everything. Do you get what I’m saying?"
Teen: "Yeah."
Parent: "Cool. So I’ve shared my concern — I don’t want this to pile up and become overwhelming for you. I also don’t want to be in a position where I’m nagging all the time."
(Adult concern)
Teen: "I get that."
Parent: "So what do you think would actually help — what’s something you could try to make keeping track of homework easier?"
(Collaborative brainstorming)
Teen: "Maybe I could take a photo of the board when the teacher puts it up."
Parent: "That’s a solid idea. Would you be open to checking that photo each day after school and making a short checklist in your Notes app or a planner?"
Teen: "Maybe. Yeah, I could try that."
Parent: "Awesome. Let’s try it out this week. Now, just in case it doesn’t happen — what do you think should happen if homework still doesn’t get turned in? Not as a punishment, just something to help you stay accountable?"
(Collaborative consequences)
Teen: "I guess maybe I lose my game time that night?"
Parent: "Okay, that’s fair. So if homework’s missing, no video games that night. Deal?"
Teen: "Deal."
Core Lagging Skills Often Involved in ADHD:
Tips for Using CPS with Inattentive ADHDCore Lagging Skills Often Involved in ADHD:
Parent: "Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been turning in some homework late and not writing things down. Can you help me understand what’s been making that hard lately?"
(Empathy)
Teen: "I don’t know… I just forget. It’s hard to pay attention when they’re giving the assignment."
Parent: "That makes sense — especially with how your brain works with ADHD. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that it’s hard to focus in that moment, yeah?"
Teen: "Yeah, pretty much."
Parent: "Okay. Can we zoom out for a second — do you get why turning homework in on time matters? I’m not trying to hassle you, I just want to know your take."
(Buy-in)
Teen: "I mean… I guess it’s important. But I still think it’s dumb."
Parent: "Fair enough. I felt like that about homework too. But part of what I want is for you to build the habit of follow-through. That’s something you’ll need for jobs, relationships, everything. Do you get what I’m saying?"
Teen: "Yeah."
Parent: "Cool. So I’ve shared my concern — I don’t want this to pile up and become overwhelming for you. I also don’t want to be in a position where I’m nagging all the time."
(Adult concern)
Teen: "I get that."
Parent: "So what do you think would actually help — what’s something you could try to make keeping track of homework easier?"
(Collaborative brainstorming)
Teen: "Maybe I could take a photo of the board when the teacher puts it up."
Parent: "That’s a solid idea. Would you be open to checking that photo each day after school and making a short checklist in your Notes app or a planner?"
Teen: "Maybe. Yeah, I could try that."
Parent: "Awesome. Let’s try it out this week. Now, just in case it doesn’t happen — what do you think should happen if homework still doesn’t get turned in? Not as a punishment, just something to help you stay accountable?"
(Collaborative consequences)
Teen: "I guess maybe I lose my game time that night?"
Parent: "Okay, that’s fair. So if homework’s missing, no video games that night. Deal?"
Teen: "Deal."
Core Lagging Skills Often Involved in ADHD:
- Executive functioning deficits (e.g., time management, memory, task initiation)
- Language processing (e.g., articulating thoughts or needs)
- Flexibility (e.g., shifting between tasks)
- Social thinking (e.g., perspective-taking)
- Increases buy-in by inviting reflection on why the behavior matters
- Engages executive functioning (rather than bypassing it with control)
- Leverages self-generated consequences for stronger internalization
- Preserves connection and autonomy, avoiding power struggles
Tips for Using CPS with Inattentive ADHDCore Lagging Skills Often Involved in ADHD:
- Executive functioning deficits (e.g., time management, memory, task initiation)
- Language processing (e.g., articulating thoughts or needs)
- Flexibility (e.g., shifting between tasks)
- Social thinking (e.g., perspective-taking)
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Challenge
Forgets assignments Procrastinates Resists structure Parent feels urgency Parent wants to impose consequences |
CPS Strategy
Explore tech-based supports (photos, voice memos, assignment apps) Use collaborative planning to break tasks into parts Invite them into shaping the structure so it doesn’t feel imposed Slow down; emphasize connection over compliance Start with empathy, even if natural consequences are involved later |
Additional Resources
- Book: The Explosive Child by Ross Greene
- Book: Lost at School (focuses more on classroom strategies)
- Website: Lives in the Balance – includes free resources and templates
- Training: Greene offers free and paid trainings for parents and clinicians
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting - STEP
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, a structured parent-education program developed by psychologists Don Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, and Don Dinkmeyer Jr. It’s delivered through a series of books paired with training sessions and has reached over 4 million parents worldwide, with translations in several languages (Wikipedia).
Core Foundations and Approach
Evidence of Effectiveness
Research evaluating STEP shows that parents who participate tend to develop more positive perceptions of their children and demonstrate a lower potential for abusive behavior (Wikipedia).
Key Goals of STEP Training
While the exact curriculum varies by program, the core aims include:
How STEP Compares to Similar Parenting Programs
Core Foundations and Approach
- Psychological Foundations: STEP is rooted in Alfred Adler’s individual psychology and the teachings of Rudolf Dreikurs and Thomas Gordon. It encourages respectful, empathetic, and democratic parent‑child relationships rather than authoritarian ones (Wikipedia).
Evidence of Effectiveness
Research evaluating STEP shows that parents who participate tend to develop more positive perceptions of their children and demonstrate a lower potential for abusive behavior (Wikipedia).
Key Goals of STEP Training
While the exact curriculum varies by program, the core aims include:
- Fostering effective communication strategies between parents and children
- Reducing reliance on punitive discipline in favor of mutual respect
- Enhancing parents’ self-awareness and emotional regulation
- Empowering parents to understand and respond constructively to challenging child behavior
How STEP Compares to Similar Parenting Programs
- Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.): Based on Gordon's model, P.E.T. emphasizes collaborative conflict resolution through techniques like active listening, I-statements, and the “no‑lose conflict resolution” model (Wikipedia, ResearchGate).
- Positive Discipline: Developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen, this approach focuses on being “kind and firm,” helping children feel connected, and using discipline to teach life skills — encouraging long-term behavioral changes (Wikipedia).
Techniques and structure of the STEP Parenting Model so you can see exactly what it teaches and how it works in practice.
1. Core Philosophy
STEP is built on Adlerian psychology, which views children as:
2. Main Skills & TechniquesA. Understanding the Goal Behind Behavior
Example:
If a child ignores chores, instead of assuming laziness, a parent might explore:
B. Active Listening
C. I-Messages
D. Encouragement over Praise
E. Problem-Solving & Family Meetings
F. Logical & Natural Consequences
G. Reducing Power Struggles
3. Common STEP StructureA typical STEP training group (6–8 weeks) includes:
4. How It Differs from Some Other Models
You can find authoritative STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) training materials and instructor opportunities on the official STEP Publishers website, which includes:
Additionally, the California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare (CEBC) provides a detailed overview of the STEP program, including:
1. Core Philosophy
STEP is built on Adlerian psychology, which views children as:
- Social beings who need belonging and significance.
- Motivated by goals (sometimes mistaken ones) rather than just impulses.
- More likely to cooperate when they feel respected and understood.
2. Main Skills & TechniquesA. Understanding the Goal Behind Behavior
- Children’s misbehavior is often an attempt to meet a need (e.g., attention, power, revenge, or display of inadequacy).
- Parents are trained to decode the underlying purpose and respond accordingly rather than reacting punitively.
Example:
If a child ignores chores, instead of assuming laziness, a parent might explore:
- Does the child feel a lack of control?
- Is this a way of expressing discouragement?
B. Active Listening
- Listening for feelings, not just words.
- Reflecting back emotions to show understanding (“You sound frustrated that your homework is taking so long.”).
- Avoiding judgment, lectures, or problem-solving too soon.
C. I-Messages
- Expressing how the child’s behavior affects you without blaming.
- Structure:
- Example:
“I feel worried when you don’t come home on time because I don’t know if you’re safe.”
D. Encouragement over Praise
- Encouragement focuses on effort and improvement rather than labels.
- Encouragement fosters intrinsic motivation; praise can create pressure or dependence.
E. Problem-Solving & Family Meetings
- Parents and children collaborate to solve recurring issues.
- Use a 4-step process:
- Identify the problem (get agreement that it’s a problem).
- Brainstorm solutions together.
- Agree on a plan.
- Follow up to see how it’s going.
F. Logical & Natural Consequences
- Natural consequences: Letting reality teach (if they forget their lunch, they may go hungry).
- Logical consequences: Related, respectful, and reasonable (if they spill something, they clean it up).
G. Reducing Power Struggles
- Offering choices (“Would you like to do homework before dinner or after?”).
- Avoiding threats and punishments.
- Stepping out of control battles by focusing on shared goals.
3. Common STEP StructureA typical STEP training group (6–8 weeks) includes:
- Reading chapters from the STEP parent workbook.
- Watching role-play videos.
- Practicing skills in small groups.
- Homework to apply techniques at home.
4. How It Differs from Some Other Models
- Compared to Parent Effectiveness Training: STEP includes more focus on understanding misbehavior goals and using consequences.
- Compared to Positive Discipline: Very similar in Adlerian roots, but STEP is a bit more structured in workbook format and emphasizes parent self-awareness earlier.
You can find authoritative STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) training materials and instructor opportunities on the official STEP Publishers website, which includes:
- A catalog of training kits and resources like the STEP Kit, Early Childhood STEP Kit, Teen Kit, and Spanish STEP Kit
- Information on Leader Training Workshops, regional schedules, and how to become a certified leader or educator
(steppublishers.com)
Additionally, the California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare (CEBC) provides a detailed overview of the STEP program, including:
- Its structure as a 7‑week group-based parent education curriculum
- Target audiences ranging from infants through adolescence
- Delivery formats, content components (e.g., leader’s guide, handbooks, videos), and availability in English and Spanish
- Contact info for training: Stephanie Dinkmeyer at STEP Publishers, who can assist with on-site and regional training arrangements
(cebc4cw.org, en.wikipedia.org)