YES, NO, MAYBE SO: A SEXUAL INVENTORY
first published Jun 10th 2010 • updated Feb 27th 2024
Heather Corinna and CJ Turett
Clear, honest communication is essential for partnered sex. It’s how we make sure everyone is fully consenting, and physically and emotionally safe—and it’s what helps sex be positive, satisfying, and even great. We can’t assume what we or a partner want or need; we have to talk about it and invite each other to do the same.
That kind of conversation can feel vulnerable, especially around topics that are new, sensitive, or unfamiliar. You—or your partner—might not know how to answer questions about likes, dislikes, or boundaries. If you’ve never talked openly about sex before, it can feel like being handed a menu in a language you don’t speak. It’s also common to say what we think a partner wants to hear, instead of sharing what’s actually true for us.
That’s where tools like Yes / No / Maybe lists can help.
These lists—used widely by sex educators, therapists, and couples—offer a simple way to explore preferences, name boundaries, and start meaningful conversations. We’ve created one tailored to the kinds of questions and topics people most often ask us about.
That kind of conversation can feel vulnerable, especially around topics that are new, sensitive, or unfamiliar. You—or your partner—might not know how to answer questions about likes, dislikes, or boundaries. If you’ve never talked openly about sex before, it can feel like being handed a menu in a language you don’t speak. It’s also common to say what we think a partner wants to hear, instead of sharing what’s actually true for us.
That’s where tools like Yes / No / Maybe lists can help.
These lists—used widely by sex educators, therapists, and couples—offer a simple way to explore preferences, name boundaries, and start meaningful conversations. We’ve created one tailored to the kinds of questions and topics people most often ask us about.
How to use this list?
You can read through it online as a personal reflection tool, or go through it with a partner as you scroll. If you prefer, print the PDF and fill it out by hand. (It also pairs well with our Sex Readiness Checklist.)
Start on your own.
Do it by yourself first. Take your time—especially with questions you haven’t thought about or don’t have experience with yet. Answer based on where you are in your life right now (and the near future), not just how you feel in the moment. If something is new to you, trust your gut. You can use this just for yourself, to clarify your boundaries, preferences, and what you may want to discuss with a partner.
Using it with a partner
This isn’t first-date material. It involves sharing personal, vulnerable information and is best used in a relationship where there’s already some solid sense of your relationship -- trust, communication, and some shared context. Go at your own pace, and feel free to edit the list to fit what you’re ready to talk about.
If you do use it together, make sure you’re both willing to be honest—and to hear each other with care and respect. It can help to agree in advance to approach the conversation with curiosity, maturity, and kindness.
You can read through it online as a personal reflection tool, or go through it with a partner as you scroll. If you prefer, print the PDF and fill it out by hand. (It also pairs well with our Sex Readiness Checklist.)
Start on your own.
Do it by yourself first. Take your time—especially with questions you haven’t thought about or don’t have experience with yet. Answer based on where you are in your life right now (and the near future), not just how you feel in the moment. If something is new to you, trust your gut. You can use this just for yourself, to clarify your boundaries, preferences, and what you may want to discuss with a partner.
Using it with a partner
This isn’t first-date material. It involves sharing personal, vulnerable information and is best used in a relationship where there’s already some solid sense of your relationship -- trust, communication, and some shared context. Go at your own pace, and feel free to edit the list to fit what you’re ready to talk about.
If you do use it together, make sure you’re both willing to be honest—and to hear each other with care and respect. It can help to agree in advance to approach the conversation with curiosity, maturity, and kindness.
Coding Guide
We also include a fantasy option. Fantasies don’t have to reflect what you want to do in real life—they can simply be things you enjoy thinking about. Knowing the difference can take pressure off sharing them.
N/A is for anything that doesn’t apply to you. You’ll also see some fill-in-the-blank sections.
Think of this list as a starting point, not a finish line.
It’s meant to help you better understand yourself and to open up conversations with a partner. Each section includes prompts to help you begin those discussions
- Yes = “I want to” or “I think I would”
- No = “I don’t want to” or “I don’t think I would”
- Maybe = “I might,” depending on the person, timing, or situation
- IDK = “I’m not sure”
We also include a fantasy option. Fantasies don’t have to reflect what you want to do in real life—they can simply be things you enjoy thinking about. Knowing the difference can take pressure off sharing them.
N/A is for anything that doesn’t apply to you. You’ll also see some fill-in-the-blank sections.
Think of this list as a starting point, not a finish line.
It’s meant to help you better understand yourself and to open up conversations with a partner. Each section includes prompts to help you begin those discussions