Internal Family Systems (IFS)
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Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is a form of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s. It is based on the idea that the mind is naturally made up of multiple “parts” or “sub-personalities,” each with its own perspective, emotions, and role. IFS helps people understand and heal their inner world by working with these parts in a compassionate and structured way.
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These can look like irrational feelings or out-of-control impulses, but they are parts who are doing the best they can to cope with discomfort and pain. In fact, if we get into battles with our parts, they will fight back, and if we try to disown them, they will feel even more lonely and worthless than they already do. However, if we treat them like little beings inside of us who have our best interests at heart, we become open to a brand new way of relating to our feelings. We can get to know them, understand what drives them, and actually befriend them. When this happens, these parts will change, so they don’t have to do things like overeat or flip out in rage anymore. They can relax and act sensibly.
Underlying this cast of characters, every human being has a true Self that is wise, deep, open, and loving. This is who we truly are when we aren’t being hijacked by painful or defensive voices. The Self is the key to healing and integrating our many parts through its compassion, curiosity, and connectedness. It is also the natural leader of our inner family, a guide through the adventures of life. Yet if the Self is truly at the center of each of us, you may be asking, why don’t we know it better? Because over the years we have experienced hurts, trauma, and grief, which have burdened us with shame, fear, and negative beliefs. These events have prompted some of our inner characters to take over in a desperate bid to protect us from harm. They block out our pain but they also take over and limit our ability to access the Self. Imagine that the Self is the sun. It is always there and always has been. But when parts take over, they are like clouds blocking the sun.
Understanding ourselves in this way gives you a great deal of power to change your inner world for the better. Since parts are like little people inside you, get to know them, negotiate with them, encourage them to trust you, help them communicate with each other, and give them what they need to heal.
Underlying this cast of characters, every human being has a true Self that is wise, deep, open, and loving. This is who we truly are when we aren’t being hijacked by painful or defensive voices. The Self is the key to healing and integrating our many parts through its compassion, curiosity, and connectedness. It is also the natural leader of our inner family, a guide through the adventures of life. Yet if the Self is truly at the center of each of us, you may be asking, why don’t we know it better? Because over the years we have experienced hurts, trauma, and grief, which have burdened us with shame, fear, and negative beliefs. These events have prompted some of our inner characters to take over in a desperate bid to protect us from harm. They block out our pain but they also take over and limit our ability to access the Self. Imagine that the Self is the sun. It is always there and always has been. But when parts take over, they are like clouds blocking the sun.
Understanding ourselves in this way gives you a great deal of power to change your inner world for the better. Since parts are like little people inside you, get to know them, negotiate with them, encourage them to trust you, help them communicate with each other, and give them what they need to heal.
Exiles
These are the vulnerable parts carrying emotional pain, fear, shame, or unmet needs—often stuck in the past.
Common Exiles:
Common Exiles:
- Shamed Child – holds deep feelings of unworthiness or embarrassment (“I’m bad/wrong.”)
- Abandoned Child – carries grief and loneliness from unmet attachment needs
- Fearful Child – fears rejection, punishment, or being unsafe
- Unlovable Part – believes it’s inherently unworthy of love or belonging
- Helpless Part – feels small, incapable, overwhelmed
- Guilty Part – burdened with self-blame from events that weren’t its fault
- Exiled Teen – feels misunderstood, rebellious, or rageful but unheard
Firefighters
These parts respond reactively that jump in fast when pain breaks through. Their job is to extinguish distress—often with impulsive, numbing, or distracting behaviors.
Common Firefighters:
Common Firefighters:
- Addict Part – turns to substances, food, sex, or screens for relief
- Angry Rager – explodes to shut down fear or shame
- Disconnector – dissociates or zones out to avoid feeling
- Compulsive Soother – uses over-eating, shopping, gambling, etc., to self-medicate
- Seductive Part – uses charm, sex, or fantasy to feel wanted or powerful
- Procrastinator – shuts down or distracts to avoid pressure or fear of failure
- Suicidal Part – extreme firefighter that wants total escape from unbearable pain
Managers
These parts work proactively to prevent the pain from being triggered. They try to keep things controlled and stable.
Common Managers:
Common Managers:
- Perfectionist – tries to avoid criticism or failure by doing everything right
- Inner Critic – harshly judges to keep you "in line" and avoid rejection
- People-Pleaser – avoids conflict or abandonment by staying agreeable
- Rationalizer – intellectualizes feelings to avoid vulnerability
- Controller – micromanages tasks, people, or feelings to prevent chaos
- Overachiever – ties worth to productivity or success
- Caregiver/Helper – compulsively takes care of others to earn love or safety
Self
These are qualities that emerge when you are in Self-energy—your inner leadership state. You’ll know you’re in Self when these qualities are present:
- Curiosity - Being genuinely open and curious about why other parts or other people are reacting as they do, instead of becoming upset with them. An absence of an agenda to change another’s behavior, wanting instead to genuinely understand it.
- Calm - Being centered and able to maintain a physical groundedness in the face of stressful situations or parts. Having a calming presence with other people. Experiencing a spacious, peaceful quiet inside.
- Clarity - Maintaining a clear, undistorted view of situations and parts, with an absence of projections.
- Connectedness - Feeling a sense of connection with all parts and other people or desire to reconnect. Recognizing that all life is connected in that the sense of separateness is an illusion.
- Confidence - Trusting that even if you’ve made mistakes, there’s an abiding knowledge that your truest Self holds goodness and worth. Internally Self trusts it’s competence even when parts are angry or distrustful. Self-confidence involves relating to parts and people in ways that are healing and effective.
- Courage - Approaching formerly feared parts or situations and responding more consciously. Standing up to injustice well also speaking for your own extreme parts and apologizing for any negative impact on others.
- Creativity - Being free to realize creative potential and to enjoy exploring novelty. Encouraging protectors to relax and allow parts to express themselves, unencumbered by burdens of fear, worthlessness, or shame.
- Compassion - Seeing beyond others' angry or reactive parts and recognizing the fear or pain behind them. Feeling caring for another who is suffering and desire to help without being overwhelmed by their pain.
- Presence - Being fully present with oneself and one's internal parts, without getting overwhelmed. It's about being aware of what's happening inside and around you.
- Patience - Approaching the healing process with understanding and acceptance of its timeline, recognizing that change takes time. It means being okay with things unfolding at their own pace.
- Persistence - Commitment to continuing the work of healing, even when faced with challenges or resistance from parts. It's about staying engaged even when things get tough.
- Perspective - Viewing situations and oneself from a broader, more objective viewpoint, beyond immediate emotions or past experiences. It's about seeing the bigger picture and understanding parts' roles.
- Playfulness - Approaching the inner work with a lighthearted and curious attitude, allowing for creativity and spontaneity. It helps create a safe space for parts to express themselves.
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Becoming Whole: Healing the Exiled & Rejected Parts of Ourselves. Richard Schwartz does a brief demonstration with the host, Soren Gordhamer.
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In this podcast you’ll learn how to identify the different parts within you, and the roles that they are playing, and you’ll also get a taste of what it’s like to be coming from “Self”. And at the end you will hear Dick Schwartz guide the host, Neil Sattin, through an actual journey of identifying a part and hear how he helps that part to heal and transform.
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