Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT)

​What is a Couple Bubble?

15 Rules for a Secure Functioning Relationship

  1. We protect the safety and security of our relationship at all times.
  2. We are fully transparent with each other and tell each other everything.
  3. If one of is in distress, we drop what we’re doing and minister to that partner.
  4. We base our relationship on collaboration and cooperation, remembering that all decisions and actions must serve both a personal AND mutual good.
  5. We share power; we are both bosses.
  6. We never threaten the existence of our relationship.
  7. We jealously protect our primacy as partners from third things, third tasks, and third people that threaten our safety and security.
  8. We are the go-to persons for all matters, making certain we are both the first to know—not second, third, or fourth—in all matters of importance.
  9. We always greet each other with good cheer.
  10. We protect each other in public and in private from harmful behaviors, including our own.
  11. We put each other to bed each night and greet each other in the morning.
  12. We correct all perceived errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and without stated excuses, intentions, or explanations.
  13. We gaze lovingly upon our partner daily and make frequent and meaningful gestures of appreciation, admiration, and gratitude.
  14. We master the ways of seduction, influence, and persuasion, and avoid the use of fear or threat.
  15. We strive to become experts on each other.
“The most important take-away, in a secure-functioning relationship, is to never threaten the relationship or each other. Ever,” said Dr. Tatkin. “Secure-functioning is when two people have each other’s backs and are looking out for each other as if their lives depended on it…and actually, their lives do depend on it. Secure-functioning relationships take off the table real fears about whether a relationship will exist tomorrow. That helps us sleep at night. It gives us energy to do other things.”
PACT was developed by Stan Tatkin out of exciting, cutting-edge research in three areas.
  • The first is neuroscience.  Knowing how the brain works provides an understanding of how people act and react within relationships. Some areas of your brain are wired to reduce threat and danger and seek security, while others are geared to establish mutuality and loving connection.
  • The second is attachment theory, which explains the biological need to bond with others. Experiences in childhood create a blueprint for the sense of safety and security you bring to adult relationships. Insecurities that have been carried through life can wreak havoc for a couple if these issues are not resolved.
  • The third area is the biology of human arousal — meaning the moment-to-moment ability to manage one’s energy, alertness, and readiness to engage.